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Int-Humour Mastering the language

A local business put a sign in the window saying:
`HELP WANTED. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer and must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer.'

A while later, a dog trotted inside, wagged his tail at the receptionist. Getting the idea, the receptionist fetched the office manager. The office manager looked at the dog and was surprised. However, the dog looked determined, so the manager led him into the office. The dog jumped on the chair and stared at the manager.

The manager said, "I can't hire you. The sign says you have to be able to type."
The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to type out a letter. The manager was stunned, and told the dog, "The sign says you have to be good with a computer."

The dog jumped down went to the computer and proceeded to demonstrate his expertise with various programs and produced a sample spreadsheet and database and presented them to the manager.

By this time the manager was totally dumbfounded! He looked at the dog and said, "I realize that you are a very intelligent dog. However, I still can't give you the job, you have to be bilingual."

The dog looked at him straight in the face and said, "Meow."


Horse Power

Sam once accidentally drove his car into a ditch. Luckily, a local farmer came to Sam's help with his big, strong horse named Karl.
He hitched Karl up to the car and yelled, "Pull, Tom, pull!" Karl did not budge.

Then the farmer screamed, "Pull, Max, pull!" Karl stood his ground.

Once more the farmer screamed, "Pull, Jack, pull!" Nothing!

Then the farmer nonchalantly said, "You too give it a shot Karl."

And the horse scooped the car out of the ditch.

Sam was most appreciative and curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by different name thrice.

The farmer said, "Oh, Karl is blind and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try!"

 

  For Sleep’s Sake!
One afternoon, Rita was hanging the washing in the backyard, when an old, tired-looking dog wandered into the yard.
Rita could tell from his collar and bloated belly that he had a home. But when she walked into the house, he followed her, sauntered down the hall and fell asleep.
An hour later, he woke up went to the door and Rita let him out.
The next day he was back and resumed his position in the hallway where he slept for an hour. This continued for some time.
Curious, Rita pinned a note to his collar: "Your dog comes to my house for a nap."
The next day the dog arrived with a note saying: "He is merely trying to catch up with his sleep – he lives in a home with ten children!

A hundred problems
A man buys walks into a pet shop and demands for a pet that can do everything. The shop owner suggests a dog.
The man shakes his head.
The owner says, "How about a cat?"
The man replies, "No way!”
The shop owner thinks for a minute, then suggests, "A centipede!"
The man says, "A centipede? Okay... I'll try a centipede."
He gets the centipede home and tells him to clean the kitchen.
Thirty minutes later, he walks into the kitchen and... it's immaculate! The counter-tops cleaned; the appliances sparkling; the floor waxed. He's amazed.
He tells the centipede, "Clean the living room."
Twenty minutes later, he walks into the living room. The carpet has been vacuumed; the furniture cleaned and dusted; the pillows on the sofa plumped; plants watered.
Next he tells the centipede, "Run down the corner and fetch me a newspaper."
The centipede walks out of the door and does not return for over 30 minutes. The man goes to the front door, opens it... and there's the centipede sitting right outside.
The man yells, "I sent you to fetch the paper 45 minutes ago. What's the matter?!"
The centipede says, "I'm going! I'm going! I'm just putting on my shoes!"

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