Sometimes
intriguing, often annoying, but sometimes rollickingly hilarious -
forwarded emails are now a part of our lives. In this new section we
bring the best of the hilarious lot. Read on for smiles and splits!
Bitter
Truths - In A Married Man's Life
Now here are some wisely worded pieces of advice, albeit chauvinistic…!
Every man should
get married some time; after all, happiness is not the only thing in
life!!-- Anonymous
Bachelors should be
heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier than
others.-- Oscar Wilde
I don't worry about
terrorism. I was married for two years.-- Sam Kinison
Men have a better time
than women; for one thing, they marry later; for another thing, they die
earlier.-- H. L. Mencken
 |
By You and Me... |
When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why. But when a
ten-year married couple smiles, everyone wonders why.
Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener.
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of
one thing: either the car is new or the wife.
We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the
garbage?" Following her down the street I yelled, "No, jump
in!"
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the
front door, who do you let in first? The Dog of course...at least he'll
shut up after you let him in!
A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and
started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another
man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound
intensity and kept repeating, "Why did you have to die? Why did you
have to die?" The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I
don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration
of pain is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so
deeply? A child? A parent?" The mourner took a moment to collect
himself, then replied, "My wife's first husband."
Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage,
the `y` becomes silent.
These
are sample of applications and leave letters written by various
personnel. English, as they say, is really a funny language!
A
candidate's application "This has reference to your advertisement
calling for a 'typist and an accountant - Male or Female'... As I am
both for the past several years and I can handle both, I am applying for
the post."
An employee applied for leave as follows: Since I have to go to my
village to sell my land along with my wife. Please sanction me one week
leave"...
Another employee applied for half-day leave as follows: "Since I
have to go to the cremation ground and I may not return, please grant me
half day casual leave"
A friend of mine had written a leave letter to the headmaster: "As
I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you
to leave me today"
A family friend told this incident about his friend's letter "I am
suffering from fever, please declare holiday to the school"
Another leave letter written to the headmaster: "As my headache is
paining, please grant me leave for the day".
Another leave letter written to the administration dept: "As my
mother-in-law has expired and I am responsible for it, please grant me
10 days leave".
SIMPLY
THE BEST --
HOW
TO KEEP A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY
Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
Every time someone
asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
In the memo field of
all your checks, write 'for sexual favors.'
Reply to everything
someone says with, "That's what you think."
Adjust the tint on
your monitor so that the brightness level lights up the entire work
area. Insist to others that you like it that way.
As often as possible,
skip rather than walk.
Ask people what sex
they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.
Sing along at the
opera.
Go to a poetry recital
and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
Find out where your
boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits.
Wear them one day
after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is of
the opposite gender.)
Send e-mail to the
rest of the company to tell them what you're doing. For example,
"If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom, in Stall #3."
Five days in advance,
tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the
mood.
When the money comes
out of the ATM, scream "I Won!", "I Won!" "3rd
time this week!!!"
When leaving the zoo,
start running towards the parking lot yelling, "Run for your lives,
they're loose!"
Tell your boss,
"It's not the voices in my head that bother me, its the voices in
your head that do."
Every time you see a
broom yell, "Honey, your mother is here!"
Desi Dictionary
Chilhood: When you make faces at mirror. Middle age is when
mirror gets even.
Bald man: A person who has lot of face to wash and very little
hair to comb.
Marriage: An institution in which a man loses his bachelor’s
degree and a women gets her master’s.
Doctor: Who cures your ills by pills and kills you by his bills.
Alimony: A mode of payment that enables a women who at one time
lived happily married to live happily unmarried.
Indian Film Heroines: If they display their assets, the producer
recovers his liabilities.
